Top 10 MC Laxtitutes

Laxtitute:

[lax – tuh – toot]

noun

1.      A hybrid of prostitute and Lax, ergo, one who gives herself out only to lax bros.

2.      One attracted to sweet lettuce and those who rip top chedd.  The veteran laxtitute silently accepts a pinny the morning after and takes her leave.

Every school’s got ‘em. They come in all shapes, sizes, and colors (though mostly Caucasian).  They’re in your bio class and your math class, sometimes you don’t even know it, but they sit behind you in class.

Though most MC laxtitutes aren’t racy like real laxtitutes, this is a non-morally degrading list of our favorite laxtitutes over the past four years.

(Just to reiterate so I can make myself clear, If your reading this and find your name in it, don’t take offense, we mean this in the most respectful and appreciative way possible)

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10.  H. Dig.

            Sure she didn’t actually talk to anyone on the team and if it wasn’t for class with Professor Givler, her name could still be anonymous.  But the main reason she’s on this list (other than her silky soft buttermilk skin, and smooth, creamy voice) is that she has become ‘The Scale’ for gauging a women’s attractiveness:

LB1:   dude I saw this total babe eating at the table next to me in lottie today.

LB2:   ok ok, on a scale of 1 to H Dig, how hot is she?

LB1:   at least an 8.5 bro.

9. Nick Schmid

            Having slept with three lacrosse players in his four years here, Nick is a class act laxtitute.  And by slept with I meant he’s shared a dorm room with 3 of us during his years here.

 

8. Harry T. Springer Drei

            He was only here for a year, but boy did he make an impression.  Somewhere between stepping on Grant’s computer and his character in Dead Man Walking we fell in love with this handsome Buddha man.  What qualifies him for laxtitute status: well we still haven’t figured it out, but I’m sure Grant had to touch him somewhere, why else would he have left.  H.T.S. and H. Dig, still the ultimate Messiah Power Couple.

7.  The Sophomore Class of the Women’s team

            While not exactly laxtitutes by definition, when 5 out of 7 of them are more or less in relationships with bros on the men’s team, they couldn’t avoid cracking the top 10.

 

6.  Fat Stack / Elaine

            Full time managers and MC lax supporters for four solid years.

5. Amy Besserer

            Would have been lower on the list but a slight fall off this year has bumped her back up a couple places. 

4.  Kim Ickler / Katie Awad

           Possibly the best all-time checkers, Kim and Katie are also dear friends of the B003 Room.  Constantly surrounding themselves with lax bros, We're not sure if they could go a day without one in their life. And apparently Kim likes to sit around the B003 Room and think about the things she'd like to do to us... at least thats what she told us earlier today.

 

^No, they're not at Niagara Falls, they just passed a group of lax bros on their way to Lottie.

3.  Brynne

            The head of CheckerNation.  With eyes like a hawk, Brynne is the leader of the pack preparing and distributing women all across the team.

2. HHH

1.  Laura Nagelhout

            The all time greatest, the one and only, the Hoot.  A true number one fan, she knew us all; name, position, number, and hometown.   

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8146968210876093874#

Purchase all your Laxtitute gear at  http://www.urbandictionary.com/products.php?term=Laxtitute&defid=5054750 I recommend the trucker hat ladies.